Marrianne, 45, from Chelmsford, was born with Lupus; a disease which causes the immune system to attack her own tissue and organs. The lupus has caused her to have multiple health issues and a handful of big operations. Marrianne's biggest struggle was in 2010 when she was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, an incurable cancer. This is her story, her conflict and her redemption.
"The great thing about Marrianne is she was always an inspiration to others..."
One day, Marrianne noticed a lump on the side of her neck, just below the ear. It turned out that it was a tumour and needed to be removed, but the doctors were unaware the source of this tumour was cancer. When diagnosed it broke her, "being told you have cancer is
the worst news you can receive, and all you think is why me?."
"I probably would have lost my job."
Marrianne worked at Mothercare at the time and it was a job she enjoyed. She was well trained, got on with the colleagues and the store was not too hard to get to. This all changed when the lump appeared, she took off two weeks for a “cosmetic operation” to have the lump removed. It was during those two weeks that doctors discovered the worst, two weeks turned into six weeks, which turned into six months, which turned into three and a half years. Marrianne explained that, “Had I been told it was three and a half years at the start, I probably would have lost my job." But because she had shown such a, “Willingness to return to work” she managed to keep it. All the treatment and time off was taking its toll on her, every time Marrianne thought she was getting somewhere, “Something else would crop up." Marrianne felt unemployed. She said, “I appreciate they have a business to run, but whenever they got in touch it was just for admin”, which made her feel alienated. She was concerned that in the end they may not want her back because of her health conditions leading to unreliability.
“It was a case of what am I gonna do?”
That specific Mothercare store was the only one who was aware of what she had been through, so when she finally was well enough to go back to work, any new job or manager would not have understood what Marrianne needed. Any other establishment would just think she is milking a cold, or acting tired to get out of work. That job was all she had and she needed to keep it. But as always life doesn't go to plan, as just less than a year later, the Mothercare store she worked at was closed due to a management reshuffle. The only place that knew her struggles, the only managers that knew her conflict, had gone. “It was a case of what am I gonna do?” she said, “That was the hardest time, I was really upset when I lost my job at Mothercare."
“It’s a horrible feeling and I just wanted job security”
There were two Mothercare stores in her town, and some of the staff moved to the newer, smaller store while some took the redundancy package. Marrianne, with the thought of, “This is the only secure job I could get”, decided to move to the other store. A new store means new people, which means she didn't have that personal, friendly connection she had with previous colleagues. She felt she could talk about her health at her old store, but couldn’t at her new one. Marrianne decided to keep her health bottled up. Bottling up her feelings caused a lot of internal conflict. Not telling anyone lead to an increase in anxiety and lack of sleep, “It’s a horrible feeling and I just wanted job security” She added.
"Being told you have cancer is the worst news you can receive, and all you think is why me?”
Even though Marrianne was still working for Mothercare, the transfer to a new store had a big impact on her, everything in her life was flipped upside down. “Extortionate parking” meant that her only option was to take public transport, meaning she got up earlier and got back later. She said, “At the end of my work the buses would only come twice an hour” and if she missed the bus, a 15 minute journey home could easily become an hour. For Marrianne who had just recovered - not cured from cancer, it was hell: “Even though I’m highly valued you’ll always have your self doubt, and you know that one day, having an incurable cancer, it will all happen again and how will my new work take it?”
Marrianne was faced with a hard decision, does she stay with Mothercare or look for new employment? The lack of work for 3 years really put stress on her financial situation. She needed a job and she needed to make a decision soon. While under masses of stress, Marrianne experienced hair loss, a lack of confidence and a lack of a stable relationship. Her biggest downfalls job-wise were things she cannot control, her health made her unreliable and this made Marrianne feel like she, "Couldn't get a job anywhere and keep it."
Mental conflict hit all parts of her work, all she could think about was what the customers and employers thought of her. She feels that working in the retail sector, "Customers can tell if you’re having a bad day or not feeling great” and this constantly played on her mind. She was faced with either calling sick and looking like a bad employee, or going in tired and unwell only to get backfire from customers that don’t know her, and just think she doesn't care. Marianne felt like this for three months, she was not enjoying her work as much as she used to and the work she did do was making her physically feel worse. She needed change for her mental and physical health.
Finding employment that matched her skills was the easy part. Her history in the bank helped with money, and as a single mother with an only child she knew enough about parenting. But after those three months she managed to rise above her conflict and make herself not only healthier, but happier.
Too many face cancer alone, but there was someone there to help Marrianne, The Helen Rollason Cancer Charity. The HRCC issued her treatment and support, and she is infinitely grateful for what the charity have done for her. They were the only light in her dark world. To this day Marrianne still helps give back to the charity so others can learn from her conflict and get through their struggles. Angela Lodge, ex-head of fundraising, used to work for the charity and was very close to Marrianne. When asked about Marrianne’s contributions to the charity she said: “The great thing about Marrianne is she was always an inspiration to others and I am sure many patients benefited from talking with her."
Angela described her as, "Always having a smile for everyone” and the fact she has had such an impact is inspiring. Marrianne wasn’t always an optimist though, while the cancer took its damage physically, the conflict she faced over employment after her treatment affected her mentally, much more so than she ever thought. She had faith in the doctors and the people that helped her through it but it was the external factors, the factors she couldn’t control. This is what gave her the most stress causing her to be at constant battle with herself.
It seems that Marrianne, although very ill, managed to overcome the negative thoughts she faced during her treatment. Before Angela's retirement, she ran many events under the Helen Rollason name such as Tea for Helen, Ride for Helen, Heroes for Helen and more. She still carries out charity work to this day, all of these Marrianne was either involved in or a big supporter of.
Marrianne now works in a small village Post Office and has done since 2015. The owners of the family business know, understand and empathise with her condition and were selfless enough to look past this and offer her a job. Her history with the bank, customer service skills and determination outweighed her health and against all odds, she conquered her struggles. Marrianne didn’t give into her conflict, instead she cut out the source of it. She learned to stop thinking about the negativity of her life and instead to focus on the next step. In essence, Marrianne won round 1, and if the cancer comes back, she is not afraid.
You can read more about Marrianne on the HRCC website