For *Melissa, the problems started even before she had moved in.
The 21-year-old student had got together with a group of friends to find a house for their second year.
But dividing up the eight rooms in the house immediately caused tension.
“We had an issue with deciding rooms as a group. We decided which rooms everyone was going in, way before we actually moved in and then at the last minute when the keys were collected, people then moved rooms into ones that other people had wanted, and then refused to swap. The whole thing was blown massively out of proportion.”
The allocation of rooms is just one of the battlegrounds when it comes to house-sharing.
There might be rows over taking out the bins, cleaning the house, washing up plates or turning on the heating as people get used to each other.
And for Melissa, the rows have continued.
She said: “There were so many of us living in the house. There were just endless piles of dishes that needed to be washed up, and we all knew who they belonged to, but they would never own up to it. We had so many arguments about this. It got so bad that some people just washed them up for the sake of it, and so we didn’t have to keep looking at them every single day.”
She felt “sick of the drama and having petty arguments about absolutely nothing. Everyone would seem to find themselves trying their best to awkwardly avoid everyone else in the house.”
“I used to come back from uni dreading going into the house just in case I would see people and arguments would start and it would just ruin the day.”
“It eventually got the point where we would have house meetings all the time to resolve the situation, but they never actually worked and everyone would just get really angry and would then leave, and it would then just be excruciatingly awkward for the following few days until we then had to talk to each other civilly.”
*Richard, a 19-year-old student, lived with Melissa that year.
He said: “I felt like everyone else didn’t care because they all got the rooms they wanted and I didn’t. It was just very difficult and it was unfair.”
Most students go into a house-share thinking that it will be an amazing experience, but Melissa and Richard’s experiences show that it is never that simple. People have different personalities and everyone is different, and when people are different that causes conflict.
In a lot of cases the problem involves people not getting on or liking each other.
*Katie, a 23- year-old student, has lived with music students for the past year. Regularly her housemates would play their electric guitars into the early hours.
But that is not the only conflict that she has had. She said: “One night at 11 they decided to start shouting and screeching and running around the flat like 2-year-olds. As usual I popped a message in the chat saying ‘please be a tad quieter, I need to sleep.’ As usual I got a sh**ty message back, they got louder and I called security.”
“It makes me feel like they have no respect for others, especially when I give a good reason for getting an early night, like having early lectures or assessments to focus on.”
“It just causes me to not want to not want to interact with them. I like to spend more time on my own because I don’t like an awkward atmosphere.”
What help is available?
Sometimes when the conflict does get a bit too much, and students do need to seek help, there is always somebody to talk to. Whether that is a parent, a friend or a member of staff at the university.
Emma Allchurch, is a Helpzone Advisor at the University of Gloucestershire.
She said: “There are various support services in place. You can never force somebody to take support, but if students want to link in with any support services, then we would give them that particular information. But we do have specialist teams, so if it is a hall’s issue, we will link them in with their residential support adviser, or if it’s a housing issue then we would link them in with their housing support team.”
Stephen Burrows, is an Accommodation Manager and Student Services at the University of Gloucestershire.
He said: “Students agree to a number of terms and conditions when accepting Halls of Residence.” These include, ‘caught making excessive noise after 11pm in or around Halls or the local community, making minor noise before 11pm, students are responsible for any unacceptable kitchen/room cleanliness and continuous untidiness in room/kitchen.'
He said: “If an incident breaks our terms and conditions, the relevant disciplinary action is taken.”
It is very important to recognise that conflict with the people you are living with can have a massive impact on your mental health.
“Moving away for home and living in a new environment with other people along with undertaking a degree is more impactful.”
Meg Williams, Students’ Union member, said: “If you’re living with someone that you don’t get on with and that’s like a daily thing then obviously that is going to affect you.”
In extreme cases in halls of residence when the conflict cannot be solved she said: “sometimes students will move to a different flat or house”, but normally “there will be a meeting with their RA and the people involved, so they usually just sit and talk it out.”
How to prevent the conflict?
The first step to preventing any sort of conflict is having a good relationship with the people around you. Of course one of the main things to do in a conflict regarding accommodation, is to talk.
Communication is key. It may seem like the hardest thing in the world sometimes especially if the other person thinks they are always right, but it breaks the ice and can make things a lot better for you and others.
There is no point in texting the person you have conflict with, or leaving them a note outside their door, the best solution is face to face contact even if there is a clash of personalities or a discomfort in confrontation. You are able to say everything that you want, and clear the air. Do not make things worse or more difficult for yourself. Once you’ve got that awkward conversation out the way, you have both agreed and are on good terms, it is then time to set some ground rules.
If you are lucky enough to get to this stage, to try and rebuild the relationship that you maybe once had, you must always identify the problem.
It is best to set a goal so you can avoid the conflict happening again. This will always be key when resolving a conflict. Develop a plan and most importantly stick to it.
If you really have to, make rotas. If your conflict is untidiness, then make a rota on who will be cleaning the bathroom, the living room, any sort of communal areas, for instance. This can save you a lot of arguments. And if the job is not completed, then you know who is to blame.
As a house you need to let the other residents living there know what you intend to do. If you are going to play electric guitars late into the night, then you need to let everyone know.
Taking responsibility for your actions will also ease some of the tension if you have conflict, you can then work together and resolve what is wrong.
But, the best thing to remember is, don’t go overboard. Nobody wants somebody like Monica Geller from 'Friends' as their housemate.
*name has been changed to protect their identities.
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